So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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