If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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