I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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