I wish my penis had an off switch
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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