You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
