I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
