I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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