I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
