4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
