I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When did angry sex become our thing?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
