i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
