Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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