WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
