You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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