Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
