I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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