That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
