I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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