one two three fourrrrnication!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
