You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
