Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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