Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
