8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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