It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
