Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
