Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
