Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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