please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
