i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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