one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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