please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
