You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
