YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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