i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We have started to decorate penises.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
