she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
