hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
