Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
