WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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