he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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