lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
