Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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