pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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