Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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