he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
