What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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