i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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