No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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