After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
