i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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