12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
