It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
