Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
