i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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