I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
