Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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