After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
