Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
