Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
