So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
