i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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