found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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