Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
