just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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