I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
