NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
