I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
