Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
