i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
