Bisexual people are plain selfish.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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