I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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