Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize