I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
