It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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