It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
