No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We named our party play list daddy issues
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
