I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
