the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
