Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
