Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize