did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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