she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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