checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
