i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
