Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
